2009

It's the last day of 2008. Normally I don't really look back and speculate as to how the year went...but today - I feel like it.

To sum it all up and to spare my few friends who actually READ this blog: 2008 was full of mixed feelings which took a toll on my health but I could say for sure that it's made me grow and this lil bit is for God's eyes only: "I've done alright right? I know I still have some lows...but you're helping me out...I see and feel you and that's what makes me smile!" Besides the financial crisis, there were alot of highs and lows which I guess happen every year....but nothing went down as a 'highlight' as such for me....which is a good thing!

I was watching 'Days of Thunder'...just a lil bit...and I picked up this line - "the moment you think you're in control of what's going to happen in your life, you've made your first mistake".

It was very much in line with what's been going on inside of my head....I seriously have surrendered to the universe...and I'm just letting things come and go as they must - one thing I'm trying hard not to lose though, is my attitude....as long as I have a strong and positive outlook towards life, I can handle situations as long as God is with me...which is a given...so I'm all good!

I don't really feel the hype of 'New Years' and I don't feel the need to go out and get wasted or dance the night away.....but yes - I'm feeling 'different' inside, not necessarily ALL good, but I'm getting there - oh yeah, I sure am....somehow I don't care anymore - or not as much - if anyone has issues with me or dislikes me or whatever the heck it is that they have a problem with!

I just know one thing - I'm happy the way I am and I know I have been true in all my feelings till date - I hope 2009 gets better - and I'm sure it will.....it's a rule you see - every day just gets better and better! Even if I were to die tomorrow (which is damn well possible mind you, shhhh!...I would die knowing I've lived it up, said what I had to say, eaten what I had to eat, drank what I had to drink, worn what I have to wear...hahaha you get the drift right?!)......

I'm going to walk up to the peak tomorrow morning and wish my lovely nature part of life a happy, healthy and blissful 2009. *CHEERS!!!!*

http://hk.youtube.com/watch?v=W6sE1L2laCc

http://hk.youtube.com/watch?v=hh4WwCzjtL4

Thank You...From the bottom of my heart..for the good and the bad, the happy and the sad....Thank You for being with me, and holding my little hand.

"We are creating the conditions that exist inside the sun. It is like tapping into the real solar energy as fusion is the source of all energy in the world" - Ed Moses

This would be so cool if it works out! I read the wole article which I will scan soon and it is uber interesting :) *Fingers crossed*

I was told tonight that I don't know how to love.

Maybe it's true.

Maybe I don't deserve to be loved ... It's time to step back.

Then it rained a lil...and ironically I was listening to this song:

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed
Nothin' seems to fit
Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin'

So I just did me some talkin' to the sun
And I said I didn't like the way he got things done
Sleepin' on the job
Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin'

But there's one thing I know
The blues they send to meet me won't defeat me
It won't be long till happiness steps up to greet me

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red
Cryin's not for me
'Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'
Because I'm free
Nothin's worryin' me

What a lovely song :) I'll be fine.

She started off as Daddy's little girl.
She loved going to school everyday in the summer and winter.
She went to middle school and college in India, she learnt and grew a lot in that phase.
She came to HK to study more.
She is now working successfully and learning each day about academics, business, people and most of all about herself.
She knows not what the future holds but she knows it will be the best and nothing less.
She is happy and content and taking one step at a time.

It's Sunday today...21 December to be precise. I spent all day at the beach, it was surprisingly hot for a December HK winter. Looks like every place is experiencing a different weather with snow falling in places like LA and Dubai.

Sitting alone on a beach full of happy people, I smiled to myself. The smile didn't last for long as I felt tremendously lonely, it's not that I didn't have friends or family to take with me, I just needed to be alone, you know - 'me with myself time'. I wanted to soak up all the pain I could possibly feel within me, hoping to erase pain from my life and my body. Then I laughed, because I was hoping for the impossible. The next comforting thought that I had was that every cloud has a silver lining, after every night comes a morning and after all pain, comes peace and love. I am still a believer and I won't ever give up.

I don't know when this painful spell will end, when I will come out of the depression I'm going through.
She waits....in pain....in silence.

My two favorite words: unwavering faith.

Insecure...suicidal thoughts.

This entry is dedicated to some of the many small things that brings me an unexpected wave of joy without fail every single time! Some are absolutely random but hey - that's the best part :)

• Walking out of my building in the fresh morning air
• Seeing the 'washroom helper' once in a while in the washroom! She has a calm and wise look on her face that makes me feel happy and I know this might sound weird but I get a 'grandmotherly feel' from her.
• Drinking that first sip of hot coffee or tea in the morning or after lunch
• Receiving an email/sms from people I'm close to - even if it's a simple ' hi how are you'
• Cooking a meal and everyone enjoying it
• Listening to my fav songs and dancing in the dark when everyone else is fast asleep hehe
• Playing a tune on the piano which I have no idea where I picked up from but I seem to be able to play it consistently
• Looking at my rubber yellow smiley face friend on my desk during the busy work day
• Walking on the bridge to work and looking at the lovely trees and bushes which bring life to the buildings alongside.
• Going home to a smiling welcoming mother ^^
• Putting cream on my face during winter
• Going for a bus/taxi/ferry/tram or plane ride
• Wearing snug sport shoes with warm cosy socks!
• Watching cartoons!!!

Hehehe - these are a few of my small 'close to the heart' likes :) It's amazing how small things can bring one the same kind of happiness or even more happiness than the so called 'big things'.

He'll come...he has to =D

Like Alex said today - "any guy who manages to have Anjali by his side is by far going to be the luckiest guy alive"!

Oh bla dee oh bla da life goes on....yeah life goes on :)

I was watching this movie today - not a very high profile one.

It was one of those movies that you get sucked into even though you know it's not going to be a 'wow' movie...it was called - the waitress.

So towards the end this woman says - everything a woman wants boils down to one thing - she wants her man to hug her - an unselfish hug - and she wants to feel secure and know for sure that he loves her no matter what.

Oh well - not every woman gets that.......kooyaboosha!

On Monday, when I found out, I felt nothing.

Sitting for the exam made me feel more than that.

It's funny how one thing n your life can affect everything else and you least imagine when it's going to hit you - BANG! Silence...............

Oh well!

2 things that made me feel really good this week:

1. Watching Top Gun...love the jets and the skyview
2. Listening to Prabhuji talk to us (cassette) when we met them for the first time :)

About everything else - I guess I don't deserve some things I want in life..... and life waits for no one and no one waits for me.

I weigh only 47kilos now and I'm beginning to scare myself........oh bla dee oh bla da life goes onnn yeahhh life goes on :) Good ol beatles!

Hokay - back to work.

Is such a big punishment in store for me because of what I wished for? I'm no different than any ordinary girl who looks for a few basic things.

The life and speech out of has been snatched away by an unknown force.

The silence is deafening.

Why do people stop loving people? Why do feelings change? The volumes of hurt it causes is unrealized.

I want to be me again....please =/

I don't care if he's changed - I just want him back=/

I want him back...I'm not the same without him, a piece is missing without him.

I hope he hasn't changed the way he feels about me.

My past actions were a result of insecurity.

Every girl needs to know someone is there for her and loves her the same, I hope I didn't cross any lines by asking for that.

I'm really not a mean person...you know that right?....Suicidal thoughts swim all around me in this crowded world. That's not a good thought I know.....only one thing can fix this.

Wish it were as easy as superglue..............

~Broken angel~

A better day is on it's way, I see a ray of light, I still believe in you God - I haven't given up.

Carry me along like you always have and smile with me when we shine through :)

*Hugs you*

On another note - thanks for letting me see Federer live - that was such a memorable evening~

I never knew eating, sleeping, even drinking water -basically living a normal life could be so hard :'(

Dear God...

Tomorrow is a new day

Tomorrow is also a new life.

A new city, a new road, new faces and new trees.

A trace remains with me

A trace of remembrance

A trace of happiness

A trace of joy

A bitter trace to finalize

The story of my learning years

Learn I shall continue

Learn I must

If living is worth anything at all then it is learning that stands tall.

Bitter words have scratched the heart

Ignorance is the painful part

Be quick and show me more

As I closely approach your door

Accept me with arms open wide

The only truth is that you will never leave my side

Believe I do, believe in you.

Pyaar Hum Ko Bhi Hai
Pyaar Tum Ko Bhi Hai

To Yeh Kya Silsile Ho Gaye

Bewafa Hum Nahin
Bewafa Tum Nahin

To Kyon Itne Gile Ho Gaye

Chalte Chalte Kaise
Yeh Faasle Ho Gaye

Kya Pata Kahan Hum Chale

I really need to know why and how =/

You let them win......we lost.

The time then and the time now seem so different from one another.

I know I made it then, I hope to make it this time too.

I have a feeling I will, I feel good and happy about this inside.

Better in time :)

Being alone and feeling unloved is the worst feeling ever.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't so ignored like I don't even exist....

A lil bit taken off CB's Electric guitar - the bit that describes my feelings with this whole situation so well.

Wish I didn't know you, got me feeling stuck.
I can't let you go, just my luck.
Falling down without you, can you pick me up?
And now I cant get you off my head.

Losing my composure...for sure..................................... . . .

Typhoon 9 and my inner self

Today is the 23rd of August, a special day for me - for no apparent reason :)
It was a mix of my love for nature, family and accomplishment. I like to analyze situations and life on the whole, from a bird's eye view in my head.

When we were all on the terrace tonight, with the rain pouring down lightly and the wind whispering in my ear and blowing on my face and through my hair and the magnificent view , I was so thankful for what I have and I'm enjoying every bit of it, even with life's shortcomings, you haven't given me much to complain about.... :)

*Salutes you* and *Thanks you* and ofcourse..... *Loves you*

In love relationships there is a fine line between pleasure and pain. Infact it's a common belief that a relationship without pain is a relationship not worth having. To some, pain implies growth.
But how do we know when the growing pains stop and the pain pains take over? Are we pessimists or optimists if we continue to walk on that fine line?

When it comes to relationships, how do we know when enough is enough???

"Bubble Bubble in the Air"

I saw a cartoon this morning on 'Baby First' which was pretty funny! It also got me thinking...

What they were showing is that out of the blue an object would appear and this little creature and a friend had to create a bubble to resemble the object - you know - small little bubbles like the one's we used to blow out when we were kids from those colorful soap bottles! It was really alot of fun to watch and I was laughing so much because it looked so very cute and silly!

Then I thought to myself - wouldn't it be awesome if we got what we thought of - the bubble shaped image would be transformed to the real thing! And you know what - I keep hearing that it's possible to get what you dream of as long as the dream is strong enough.....we as humans DO have that power...just that we don't make enough use of it. Hmmmmm...

The X – Factor….the Ex-Factor

So what is this big deal about the whole X component? How do you define it? Does the X factor last for always or does it run out at some point of time? Do you need something to keep it running or am I just being cynical?

The X factor is by no doubt different for everyone – there’s this one thing that makes everyone tick in its own unique way and that one thing is again – unique for every single one of us.

The X factor applies to people, friends, partners, jobs, food, and countries – just about anything generic.

Yesterday I was thinking to myself – does the X factor ever change into an ‘Ex-factor’? These are a few things that I think are responsible for the conversion speaking solely about couples:

• Finding out something about him after a significant period of time that you never thought could be associated with him
• When he starts spending more time with his friends than with you
• When he forgets things about you and the both of you
• When there are gaps of silence and you don’t know what to talk about anymore
• When he thinks about himself and what he feels like more than what you want and feel
• When he says – “that was in the beginning – this is now”
• When it's ok if he does it but it's a crime if you do it.
  
• When you start asking yourself this question more and more – “can I really spend the rest of my life with him???”
• Last but not the least – when you start envying your friends for what they have going with their partners as opposed to what you have.

That being said I have to emphasize that the same goes for the opposite sex – simply substitute the ‘he’ with a ‘she’ and you’ll get the picture. I never try to be biased when I write so for clarity’s sake….

It is something to think about – if everyone knew what was responsible for the ‘Ex’ factor they would avoid behaving in such a way but on the other hand if everyone knew how to get that ‘X’ factor they would do everything to have it and get what they want – the right job, the right partner, the right stocks! True to its word – life is unpredictable – you never know what’s coming at you next…the X or the Ex?

The only truth about life is nature.

You get what you see.

The best part is, nature is always a treat to the eye, it could be a snow covered field, a sunny beach with clear blue waters or even a rich green forest with the moon shining upon it which gives you that 'time stopped for a while' feeling.

That's the only thing I believe in - nature....

Aaj Main Khush Hoon :)

So I was actually dreading today - the whole idea of the plastic - ness and the fake - ness. It was the co. 6 yr party.

Fortunately, from plastic it turned out to an intellectual session with me n one of the senior analysts discussing biotech and the market in general and it's potential - I felt like a nerve that was sleeping was tickled and awoken - it felt better than the peach beer I was drinkin!

It's bad but I don't know why I sometimes need people to believe in me for me to actually believe in mysef - it's not that I don't believe in myself - it's just that I lose myself along the way somewhere at times amidst all the work.

I need to find me - I need all the possible help and more than ever I need my own personal input.

The Cherry on the Cake

This entry is on the more 'bold' side, so as a forewarning - don't be freaking out!

Everyone thinks a perfect guy is a guy who's loving, funny, rich, athletic, good looking (this could turn out different as long as he's a darl of a guy on the inside!!), honest and blah blah - the list is never ending as is life itself. A scary thought is - what if there's this guy that has it all - but is an absolute turn off in bed? Or what if he doesn't know the right moves - and hits the wrong spot at the wrong time and leaves the right spot yearning for something...

The cherry on the cake is when he knows just what to do - when you want it - the way you want it - so that when you finally get lost in twilight you don't feel like it could have been better - and then think about it - you could never confront him about it either (well not politely or subtly atleast) It's all or nothing...

No wonder every man wonders where the G spot is and how they can find it( I have heard jokes about men wondering if there is a map that they could refer to - how L-A-M-E is that???!!!)- and until recently I didn't even know that men have G spots too!

Everything goes 2-ways in life, and ofcourse so does this - I think it's important for couples to talk this out - and if he's not doing it right - he's gotta be told so that the perfect guy can have the cherry too - and if she's doing a less than average job, then she needs to be aware of that.

The cherry is out there - the cake is out there - but are they both at the same place?

:] Waiting....!

The Circle

When will the circle stop? When will we find the way out? Is this a wasteful effort or will it reap fruit? I only wish for the simple things, the things that make me smile to myself, is that something that has to be added to the bucket list? I kept taking it for granted and never realised that one day I would have to pray for it, wish for it, ask for it - the worst feeling ever.

NO ONE - Alicia Keys - :)

You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry 'causeEverything's going to be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all i know is everything's going to be alright
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel

I know some people search the world
To find something like what we have
I know people will try try to divide something so real
So till the end of time I'm telling you there is no one
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you...