Sometimes there's so much to say but when the time comes, silence prevails....

Am I just being paranoid about this or is it time we spoke for real? I want to talk to you, I want to love you, I want your love.

I'm ecstatic :D Here's to a fresh leafy start!!!

me: hmm

11:12 PM u know what swag

i feel love is a fantasy

it is made up

like u can only feel it once

and then it becomes a fantasy

and i felt it once

and never again

i dono if i shud be happy or sad

happy that atleast i was lucky to feel it

11:13 PM or sad that i will never feel it againi donno...i guess one day i'll wake up and i'll just know, i'll know that this time its for real, not sure with who but i know i won't be let down again.hmmm yea :) maybe its the other way around, that what i thought was a fantasy but what's coming up is actually for real.

I feel a new beginning approaching, it brings a smile to my face and it also manages to make me feel the jitters to the point where I know this is right :)

God is great and God, you've taught me alot and I continue to learn from experiences.

Everything I've ever wanted seems to be on the same road now, I'm feeling good inside, I'm feeling happy too, thank you for being with me and blessing me abundantly with good health, success, love and happiness. It was all there all along, just took a while for me to see your plan :) silly me!

*hugs*

I haven’t moved on, I’m unable to.

I’m not sure if he has moved on or not, he asked me not to assume anything, so I won’t.

I’ve loved once, and once alone, I can’t love again, atleast not naturally. That place was filled up years ago. I’m happy I was lucky enough to fall in love atleast once in a lifetime.

I’m fine with having this love for him for the rest of my life, even if it’s only within me and stays peaceful inside ever so silently.

I love life itself, no complaints whatsoever, I deserve everything I have, everything that happened to me and that didn’t happen to me.

I haven’t moved on, I’m unable to.

Something doesn't seem to fit quite well....maybe it's the fact that you're not around....maybe I have to live with that empty feeling all my life....maybe giving in to circumstances was the only thing I could do because I really had no open arms waiting for me.....

Maybe.......

I miss you...and I have been missing you....for a while now......

ANJ LOVES THIS SONG!!!!!!!!!! =)

Well you dawned on me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks, and now I'm trying to get back

Before the cool done run out, I'll be giving it my bestest
And nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love

Listen to the music of the moment people, dance and sing
We're just one big family
And it's our God-forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved loved

So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm sure
There's no need to complicate, our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

D-d-do do you, but do you, d-d-do
But do you want to come on
Scooch on over closer dear
And I will nibble your ear

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and I laughed

I guess what I be saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanities and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do, our name is our virtue

But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Come on and open up your mind and see like me
(I won't hesitate)
Open up your plans and damn you're free
(No more, no more)
Look into your heart and you'll find that the sky is yours
(It cannot wait, I'm sure)

So please don't, there's no need
(There's no need to complicate)
There's no need to complicate
(Our time is short)
'Cause our time is short
(This is our fate)
This is, this is, this is our fate
I'm yours

Oh, I'm yours
Oh, I'm yours
Oh, whoa, baby you believe I'm yours
You best believe, best believe I'm yours

Believe in yourself

So easy to write...question yourself though - how difficult is it to FEEL???? i mean seriously ? How difficult? Even if you're not alot better off than most, you still are YOU. Don't you see - that's the best gift ever...that's bliss, feeling like you!!!

I stopped believing in myself for a few months, honestly, I gave up on life, ppl I care for, my interests, I gave up on everything, I even gave up on believe in God...can you believe it!?!? What a low phase that was!!!

Everything is alot clearer now, its the smae life, the same roads, the same people,the same workplace, the same bed, the same everything!!! BUT BUT BUTTTTTTTT the only thing that is different is my attitude! :) I owe this to God and to no one esle...

Whatever makes you feel good, just increase that and always bring youself back to that balance, whether you like it or not, that's the whole fun! Fun cannot be fun without experiencing bad times...i know -sad but true, i'm going through bad health now BUT AGAIN I KNOW this will be followed by good health...it has to come my way, I've invited the good health and the good times, before you know it I'll be as fit as a fiddle =D The key word is attitude...it's a true winner no matter what.

I'm not getting carried away incase that's how it seems, I know what I'm up against, but it's nothing that me and God (both of us together make a awesometastic team btw....!) can't get through.

Let's make a toast then, to new beginnings, to a new me, to a new us :) Everybody have fun tonight!!!! =) =) =) Welcome back girl!!!!

*Giggles*!!!

I believe in me. Do you believe in you?

I'm tired....

2009

It's the last day of 2008. Normally I don't really look back and speculate as to how the year went...but today - I feel like it.

To sum it all up and to spare my few friends who actually READ this blog: 2008 was full of mixed feelings which took a toll on my health but I could say for sure that it's made me grow and this lil bit is for God's eyes only: "I've done alright right? I know I still have some lows...but you're helping me out...I see and feel you and that's what makes me smile!" Besides the financial crisis, there were alot of highs and lows which I guess happen every year....but nothing went down as a 'highlight' as such for me....which is a good thing!

I was watching 'Days of Thunder'...just a lil bit...and I picked up this line - "the moment you think you're in control of what's going to happen in your life, you've made your first mistake".

It was very much in line with what's been going on inside of my head....I seriously have surrendered to the universe...and I'm just letting things come and go as they must - one thing I'm trying hard not to lose though, is my attitude....as long as I have a strong and positive outlook towards life, I can handle situations as long as God is with me...which is a given...so I'm all good!

I don't really feel the hype of 'New Years' and I don't feel the need to go out and get wasted or dance the night away.....but yes - I'm feeling 'different' inside, not necessarily ALL good, but I'm getting there - oh yeah, I sure am....somehow I don't care anymore - or not as much - if anyone has issues with me or dislikes me or whatever the heck it is that they have a problem with!

I just know one thing - I'm happy the way I am and I know I have been true in all my feelings till date - I hope 2009 gets better - and I'm sure it will.....it's a rule you see - every day just gets better and better! Even if I were to die tomorrow (which is damn well possible mind you, shhhh!...I would die knowing I've lived it up, said what I had to say, eaten what I had to eat, drank what I had to drink, worn what I have to wear...hahaha you get the drift right?!)......

I'm going to walk up to the peak tomorrow morning and wish my lovely nature part of life a happy, healthy and blissful 2009. *CHEERS!!!!*

http://hk.youtube.com/watch?v=W6sE1L2laCc

http://hk.youtube.com/watch?v=hh4WwCzjtL4

Thank You...From the bottom of my heart..for the good and the bad, the happy and the sad....Thank You for being with me, and holding my little hand.

"We are creating the conditions that exist inside the sun. It is like tapping into the real solar energy as fusion is the source of all energy in the world" - Ed Moses

This would be so cool if it works out! I read the wole article which I will scan soon and it is uber interesting :) *Fingers crossed*

I was told tonight that I don't know how to love.

Maybe it's true.

Maybe I don't deserve to be loved ... It's time to step back.

Then it rained a lil...and ironically I was listening to this song:

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed
Nothin' seems to fit
Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin'

So I just did me some talkin' to the sun
And I said I didn't like the way he got things done
Sleepin' on the job
Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin'

But there's one thing I know
The blues they send to meet me won't defeat me
It won't be long till happiness steps up to greet me

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red
Cryin's not for me
'Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'
Because I'm free
Nothin's worryin' me

What a lovely song :) I'll be fine.

She started off as Daddy's little girl.
She loved going to school everyday in the summer and winter.
She went to middle school and college in India, she learnt and grew a lot in that phase.
She came to HK to study more.
She is now working successfully and learning each day about academics, business, people and most of all about herself.
She knows not what the future holds but she knows it will be the best and nothing less.
She is happy and content and taking one step at a time.

It's Sunday today...21 December to be precise. I spent all day at the beach, it was surprisingly hot for a December HK winter. Looks like every place is experiencing a different weather with snow falling in places like LA and Dubai.

Sitting alone on a beach full of happy people, I smiled to myself. The smile didn't last for long as I felt tremendously lonely, it's not that I didn't have friends or family to take with me, I just needed to be alone, you know - 'me with myself time'. I wanted to soak up all the pain I could possibly feel within me, hoping to erase pain from my life and my body. Then I laughed, because I was hoping for the impossible. The next comforting thought that I had was that every cloud has a silver lining, after every night comes a morning and after all pain, comes peace and love. I am still a believer and I won't ever give up.

I don't know when this painful spell will end, when I will come out of the depression I'm going through.
She waits....in pain....in silence.

My two favorite words: unwavering faith.

Insecure...suicidal thoughts.

This entry is dedicated to some of the many small things that brings me an unexpected wave of joy without fail every single time! Some are absolutely random but hey - that's the best part :)

• Walking out of my building in the fresh morning air
• Seeing the 'washroom helper' once in a while in the washroom! She has a calm and wise look on her face that makes me feel happy and I know this might sound weird but I get a 'grandmotherly feel' from her.
• Drinking that first sip of hot coffee or tea in the morning or after lunch
• Receiving an email/sms from people I'm close to - even if it's a simple ' hi how are you'
• Cooking a meal and everyone enjoying it
• Listening to my fav songs and dancing in the dark when everyone else is fast asleep hehe
• Playing a tune on the piano which I have no idea where I picked up from but I seem to be able to play it consistently
• Looking at my rubber yellow smiley face friend on my desk during the busy work day
• Walking on the bridge to work and looking at the lovely trees and bushes which bring life to the buildings alongside.
• Going home to a smiling welcoming mother ^^
• Putting cream on my face during winter
• Going for a bus/taxi/ferry/tram or plane ride
• Wearing snug sport shoes with warm cosy socks!
• Watching cartoons!!!

Hehehe - these are a few of my small 'close to the heart' likes :) It's amazing how small things can bring one the same kind of happiness or even more happiness than the so called 'big things'.

He'll come...he has to =D

Like Alex said today - "any guy who manages to have Anjali by his side is by far going to be the luckiest guy alive"!

Oh bla dee oh bla da life goes on....yeah life goes on :)

I was watching this movie today - not a very high profile one.

It was one of those movies that you get sucked into even though you know it's not going to be a 'wow' movie...it was called - the waitress.

So towards the end this woman says - everything a woman wants boils down to one thing - she wants her man to hug her - an unselfish hug - and she wants to feel secure and know for sure that he loves her no matter what.

Oh well - not every woman gets that.......kooyaboosha!